Widow and widower dating
Having gone through such a major trauma — losing my husband — my outlook on life changed and I realized how short life was.
I knew I had to get out there and into the dating world or the time was going to slip away from me.
“The most challenging thing that came to mind when I considered dating again,” says Penny Webb, a widowed Seattle writer and stay-at-home mom, “was wondering who in the world would want a train wreck/mother of two/grieving widow like me!It was hard to know what “the norm” was, or what was considered appropriate by society. I finally realized that I had only myself to judge what felt right, so really the question was: “Am I ready? I knew I was interested in experiencing intimacy again with another person. Most single people in their thirties and forties tend to be divorced or have never been married.” This was also a very difficult question to answer. Do you feel that, as a widow, your dating issues are different than others within your age range? Well, I was unlike most divorced people in that I had no animosity towards my husband. I knew what that felt like, how it worked and that I wasn’t willing to settle for anything less than a good relationship, which I was only able to describe as the feeling of “being home.” There had to be some sort of recognition within the other person, similar values and shared outlook on life.I learned that dating men who had never been married or didn’t have kids didn’t really work for me. Someone who has no experience in that area doesn’t fully understand the implications that come along with being a lone parent. Not exactly the sexiest shot in the world, you know?We talked to her about her journey into the world of online dating.
I think one of the biggest questions that comes up regarding dating after your partner dies is about timing. Did you worry that you were interested in dating “too soon” or did you feel other people might be thinking that? I constantly doubted myself when I realized I was considering dating after two years. It felt like I wasn’t honoring my husband by dating again so quickly, yet I knew people who had done it much sooner.