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In our 20s, it's normal to not be ready to marry, so a disinterest in lifelong commitment at this age is no big deal. It's fairly easy to tell that a guy in a bar checking out other girls or spraying champagne in every picture on his dating profile might not exactly be marriage-minded.But once a guy hits his late 30s, there's no more clear "tell." Most men at this age trade frequent nights at the bar for dinners with friends and more low-key, mature plans. They start dressing better and maybe even losing their hair or going gray.He gives off a warm vibe of not being a player—he listens as you speak, and when you ask if he wants kids, he nods enthusiastically. Failing that, you'll know as soon as you have a major disagreement on something."I'm not just looking for a hookup," he'll say in between sips of wine. A man who truly wants to get married will work with you, while a commitment-phobic man will give up at the first sign of conflict. Because when you spend the majority of your adult life single, you like doing things your way, and these guys have major trouble with change.” The results: 66 percent of men agreed compared with 51 percent of women.You can look another person in the eye and tell him you love him, and you can squeeze that person tightly and make him feel it. And while it's wrong of them to waste your time, just know that this experience only validates that you, my friend, are able to love.
They look different, they act different, and would dare say they're afraid of commitment at this age. But they have failed to address whatever it is that has held them back from making a real commitment.So, how do you know if he simply hasn't met the right person yet, or if he's the guy afraid of love and selecting a lifelong partner? He shows you pictures of his niece or nephew and talks about how much he loves being an uncle. He'll use words like "forever" and "love" and sign cards with phrases like "many, many more."There is no transparency, such as "I'm not sure if I'm capable of marriage" or "I've never really been in love," because that would make us wary of accepting date No. These men want a girlfriend—make no mistake about that. And while you might be ready for that, they're just rolling the dice. So, how do you avoid dating a 30- or 40-something man who's secretly afraid of commitment? Someone who's had a long-term relationship with a person who sounds great, not a girl he dismisses as "crazy" or only spent six months with.He has an answer ready about why he was never married; he hasn't met the right person, or he focused on his career. He won't work things out, he won't compromise, and he won't bend. Suddenly, after months or years of devoting yourself to this person and thinking you're building a future, you're single again wondering WTF just happened.There is one bright side to being burned by a man like this, and it's this: You are capable of loving someone. And women have been asking the same question ever since.
A recent study chronicled in USA Today ran with the headline, “Not so afraid to commit after all.” The lead paragraph read, “Men are more likely than women to prefer marriage over lifelong singlehood and in many ways are as interested in serious family relationships as women, according to a new study.” In the survey—which included 12,000 men and women ages 15-44—respondents were asked, “It is better to get married than go through life single?